Resolving answers to letters written by disturbed families

Have your desire fulfilled: If you want that everybody loves you; you must love everyone. This is how your desire of being loved will be fulfilled.

Playful nature

I am fed up of my life. I was much excited before coming to a foreign country that I would live life anew but my husband is of very critical nature. We spend most of the time at home. My husband gets rude if ever I complain about any thing. He then asks me to go to my parents and live there for some time. My mother is not alive and father has committed second marriage. I have no parents’ home as such. My husband sometimes asks me to continue studies whereas I had left studies after matriculation. I am afraid of becoming a failed wife and getting divorced; that is why I am forbearing such situation. I used to be a girl playful nature that I am no more. (K, Austraila)

Suggestion: Forbearance is always good, whatever the reason is. It is not a matter to get frustrated about. It is a positive attitude that one struggles for better future by forbearing temporary frustration and hopelessness. Your husband’s suggestion to study is worth considering. He may also help you in this regard. People blessed with playful nature have many capabilities to win others; you must employ any of your capabiliity to make the environemnt of your home lively. Sometimes, smile or some consoling words of sympathy are suffice for making marital life better.

Employ your willpower

I am a student of F.Sc. I try to think positive but could not help shun away negative thoughts. Due to which I cannot do anything regularly and positively. This is affecting my studies.

(Aliya, Gujrat)

Suggestion: It is very natural for all kind of thoughts to keep flashing in mind. Mentally healthy people control thoughts and transform negative thoughts to positive ones and get rid from fear and anxiety. Usually negative thoughts assault our mind when we continuously think about a painful experience. We must at once say ‘No’ to such negative thoughts of painful experiences and must do our work whole-heartedly. If one cannot help oneself getting rid of negative thoughts, one must consult a psychiatrist. Remember, will power is more effective than medicine when treating such psychological disorders.

Tensions and physical disorders

I have faced many hardships in life that I get irritated now over a small thing. I have anger stuffed inside me and hatred especially for those who were jealous of me and sowed dissension between me and my husband. I get sad when I look back in the past. I look older than my age. I cant fall asleep and don’t feel hunger. (F, Abbotabad)

Suggestion: Emotions always affect health. Aggressive emotions negatively affect health. Shocks, sadness, hatred and tensions give birth to disorders which are more dangerous than inherited diseases or those inflicted by environment. Forgive everyone for the sake of your own peace. Try to forget unpleasant memories; your every morning will greet you with a pleasant message of life.

I am fed up of my son who steals and tells lies

My son is nine years old. I am not complaining that he is naughty but after commiting mischiefs he tries to conceal them. For example, he uses my perfumes, takes money from my wallet for sweetmeats but doesn’t admit. His mother often tells that after breaking glassware he would try to hide the shards. He would not admit his mistake but blame his sister. He is good in studies. But I am afraid of his two habits of stealing and lying. (Yousuf, Khuzdar)

Suggestion: Like elders, children may also break glassware by mistake. First, they deliberately do not cause losses and second, that they realize their mistake but are afraid of parents’ harsh attitude of beating or scolding. Children try to prove them innocent to remain safe from strictness of parents. Take care of your child’s necessacities. Observe and monitor his company. Help him choose good friends. And most importantly, become his friend. So that he realizes that he is important for his parents.

Long awaited happiness is long lasting

I wonder for the people who are exempted from responsibilites; who get what they like. I have fallen in love but afraid of committing to her as my mother often tells me that in any case, my elder sister would get married first. I am twenty years old now. She is of the same age. She would not wait till my sister’s marriage. She is liked by many in her family and may choose any other partner. I cannot concentrate on my studies nor I want to do anything. I don’t want to lose her at any cost. (Rana Ishtiaq, Chunian)

Suggestion: After marriage, men exempted from responsibilites, have to fulfill many responsibilities which a married guy should have irrespective they have sisters or not. Your mother is right. You are twenty years old now; complete your education first. If she can marry any other fellow then you can also find girl better than her. Remember! Long-awaited happiness is long-lasting.

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